A Virtual Interview with Free Kitten

by Richard.

Richard: Hi Kim, Hi Julie, Yoshimi. Hold on a second while I get my tape recorder ready.
Julie: (response)
R: Yeah, ok. So... I love UNBOXED, and i am so ready for your next album. I wanted to get Straight Up but it was so fuckin' expensive. Anyways, for those who might not be familiar with your music, how would you describe Free Kitten in one word?
Kim: "girls only"
R: Hey, that's two words.
J: (response)
R: Wait, isnt there a male bassist? What's his name?
J: (response)
R: Mark Ibold! Say...what's a guy gotta do to be in your band?
J: (response)
R: Kim. This X-Girl thing is really booming. I've seen it in all these magazines.
K: Yeah, too big! We did a guerilla show on the sidewalk that got a lot of coverage.
R: Yeah, with Donovan Leitch as the presenter. He's great, I love him. Bryan and i saw Nancyboy this new years in LA. Donovan was wearing this really kool cleopatra-esque gold coin headdress. then at the end he threw his poor guitarist into the drum set, and you could totally tell that he does that every show cause the guitarist got this look like "oh no...not again!"
K: He has a flair for drama. I saw him in this afterschool special where he plays this guy named charlie who keeps beating up his girlfriend. very dramatic. At the X-Girl show, he sat up on this window ledge with a megaphone. There's a picture of him in Bazaar i just saw. He's the guy with that thing on his head.
J: "(response)"
R: Who else was there?
J: I saw Ione Skye. I like her. (response)
K: Sofia Coppola. She's kind of our spokesmodel.
R: So, you fashionauts, what would be the one item everyone should have next season?
J: (response)
K: (response)
R: Shit, THIS old thing!
K: Yeah, looks great.
R: Well, Thank you Kim!

R: Anyways, enough with fashion. Let's get to the important stuff. Oh! There's this joke: "What goes IN hard and stiff, and comes OUT soft and sticky?"
J: (response)
R: uh...no.
K: "gum!"
R: Oh! Uh...guess you heard that one before. So Kim. How would you describe Julie's sexual habits?
K: Can i sing it?
R: oh, please do.
K: (response) [wild laughter]
J: Hey! no way! You're trying to make me look like a slut for your trash magazine.
R: Well then how would you describe it yourself?
J: "Oh Bondage! Up yers!"
R: Julie, tell me the last few places you've been fucked.
J: Yeah, I KNOW this gag. You're gonna try to get me to say like in the ass!
R: [laughs] NO! geographically, really!
J: Ok. "..in a condo, in a phone booth, in an air raid shelter! ..."
R: Wow! You ARE naughty!
K: Yeah!
J: What are YOU talking about!
K: Hey, I'm a mother now!
R: Yeah, how IS little Coco?
K: Oh great. We are currently signing papers for her to join Frances Bean in one of those all children punk bands. Frances is gonna do a cover of Territorial Pissings, and Coco's gonna sing Kool Thing. It'll be Wilson Phillips for the aging Lollapalooza set. Perry Farrell is gonna be their manager! [big laughs]
R: Really? [bigger laughs] No, tell me. My sister is currently pregnant and she's like reading to her baby in utero. Did you do anything like that?
K: No. But I plan on raising Coco with pig latin as her second language. Completely bilingual - that's the wave of the future y'know.
R: Oh! I totally forgot about the existence of pig latin. Can you do some?
K: "(pig latin)"
R: Cool! Can you do it backwards?
K: [nods] "(backwards)"
R: I never knew you were so talented!

R: So Julie, what do you think of Baby Coco?
J: "(response)" Her shits are amazing. smell like nothing humanly possible.
R: Yeah? How would you describe it? What's it similar to?
J: "(response)"
J: "(question)"
K: Breast feeding! Ugh..it's like "(response)" No, but the kid's great. Everyone's been getting her tons of stuff all the time.
J: "(response)"
R: I imagine she gets some great gifts.
K: Yeah, we got these a bunch of abused dolls from Mike Kelly. Thurston threw away the ones that had actual shit on them.
R: You KNOW those shit dolls are gonna be total collector's pieces some day though. What other weird gifts have you gotten?
K: "(response)"
R: From who?
K: Shonen Knife.
J: "(response)"
R: What did you do there?
J: Played a few gigs, hung out a lot. Ate Japanese food.
R: Was it good? I heard the Japanese food is better in California then it is in Japan.
J: There was a lot of different sushi and junk. "(response)" except I cant stand "(response)"

R: Yoshimi! You've been so quiet this whole interview. What's up?
Yoshimi: "(response)"
J: That's a joke. But, "(response)"
R: What?
J: Politics!
R: NO! I hate politics. Yuck! I actually have this idea that the country should be run by the Ouija Board, but you know what that'd lead to.
J: "anarchy!"
R: Oh. Hey, my tape is almost out. Do you wanna quit now, or should i go get another tape. Or do you guys wanna do something then come back to finish?
J: "(response)"
K: "(response)"
R: Ok, let's wrap this up then. Um...let's see. hey, ok. On the count of three, shout out the first word that comes to your head. one..two..three!
All: "(response)"

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