The Blondest Hair

by jean

I was talking with some of my friends about Smurfette. Where she came from, what her deal was. I mean, didn't anyone find it odd that she lived alone in a village with.... 500 males? What was up with that? And that time when all the Smurfs in the village had a big contest to see who was most worthy to marry her? Personally, I thought things got a little out of control when Papa Smurf tried to get in on the action. Anyway, being an ex-smurf fan, I knew that Smurfette was originally an evil creation of Gargamel. She had straight black hair and was sent into Smurf village to do evil. But when she was found out, she boo-hooed, turned blonde, and was accepted by the Smurfs. Ah, the American Dream come true.

As a kid, I always wanted to be blonde. It looked so glamorous. So normal. So Smurfette accepted by the Smurfs! But let's face it- blonde Asians are freaks. It's just not natural or glamorous (unless you consider trash glamorous). I mean, everyone knows Asians are supposed to have black hair. So while all the other girls in middle school were spraying that awful Sun-In into their permed hair (yet another totally ridiculous hair style for east Asians) to achieve that lovely summer blonde, well what could I do? And then later on it was weird when all the girls went goth and dyed their hair black and I already had black hair. It wasn't like I was birthed wearing a Cure t-shirt and a black dress- I just have black hair because I'm Asian.

I don't know. It just seems like Asians are only supposed to have black hair and that this is a normal thing. White girls can dye their hair any color they want. Mousy brown one day, stunning blonde the next. Maybe even mouthwatering red! It doesn't matter. It's just white girl transforming herself into.... white girl! But if an Asian girl goes blonde? Forget it. It's Asian girl transforming herself into an unnatural freak. Asians just aren't supposed to dye their hair. A quick browse through the hair dye section at Rite-Aid makes this quite clear. You see that luscious red head on the hair dye box and you think, "Wow! Red is so glamorous! Me too!" But wrong! Look carefully on the side of the box and it will say one of two things. 1) This hair dye does not work on black hair (ie, don't buy this product Asian girl!) or 2) This dye will make black hair very very dark brown, not red (ie, don't buy this product Asian girl!). Very sad indeed. Obviously Lady Clairol doesn't think that Asians were meant to dye their hair. For us to throw off the chains of convention and achieve that trashy glam look, we have to go that extra mile. Lucky for you, I have extensive hair dye knowledge/ experience. Just think of me as the Clairol guinea pig who is willing to share her ancient Chinese secrets with you.

[The Blondest Hair] [Ultress] [Ultra Blue] [Born Blonde] [Pure White]