This past summer I went to the Fashion Cafe in Rockefeller Center, and it was gross! You should totally go! I had some friends visiting from out of town and they thought they'd top off their nyc trip with a glamorous visit to nyc's toney Fashion Cafe. And why not? Fashion Cafe is like the only theme restaurant you'd ever want to go to. It has a public runway!

When you get there, there is a velvet rope up. Don't freak out that you are not classy enough, cuz guess what? You ARE! When you get inside, there are pictures of famous ppl eating there. Like "Screech" from "Saved by the Bell". And "Erkel" ate there too, as well as the many Morgan Fairchild-caliber celebs you might have to pay money to see otherwise. Our waiter sat us up by the television screens which show constant fashion coverage of seasons LONG past. And the waiters are ugly. They are also forced to wear way-too-colorful Versace blouses with the same neoclassical pattern used on the tablecloths! That's called "matching" in the fashion world.

I was wondering what I might eat.. "Naomi's fish and chips ?", "Claudia's New York strip "?, but hey.. where was Christy Turlington's dish? I guess it musta been the pork chops cuz that was the only other pricey entree left to pick from. I settled for the safe choice of a cheeseburger. I mean, not even McDonalds can mess up a cheeseburger, so I thought a couple of supermodels could do at least as well. Well, it was nasty, and cold and totally blah. And don't even think of getting what is called "spicy tomato soup" unless you're into feeling some abondanza.. its Ragu in a bowl! Actually, don't even eat there! The models don't!

But as much as Fashion Cafe lacked in food quality, they more than made up for in STAGE SHOW. First off, there was an endless stream of Jon Benet wannabes working the runway NONSTOP. I got into cheering them on and taking their pictures like a total perv, and shouting "go Jon Benet!" And they liked it! And even their chaperones didn't care that I was taking their pictures. It was no big whoop for these up-and-coming wannabe models. I sat next to a group of them and they were there for this little smarmy one's birthday. And about every 20 minutes they'd gather together on the runway in a group and shout "we looooovvve yoouuu Tiffany". kool!

Then some older kids got in on the action and started doing some serious posing right there in front of everyone! Had they no shame ? Guess not!! And that's what's so fun about it! It's like.. Chuck E. Cheese with lots of house music.

Pretty soon there came a loudspeaker announcement that the runway was to be CLEARED for the Fashion Cafe Supermodels. The announcer was really amazing and had that "downtown Julie Brown" wubbawubba banter down to a science! But where was she? To this day I am convinced the voice is a robot, or a taped voice that they play over and over again. Everytime they sent a model down that runway wearing yet another pajamas set, sweatshirt, or Fashion Cafe logo baby-t the voice would say "Faaaaaabbbulous!" in the exact same way. Sampler maybe? Plus, how faaaabbbulous can a sweatshirt be anyhow?

After the show we got our check and split like a gang of reallife jailbirds. Of course, when I told other people about how incredible it is to eat there, nobody wanted to go. But dont let that stop YOU from going and experiencing it for yourself! SUCKA.

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