Jake of Squirt TV!

by thurston moore

His name is Jake.

He's 15 years old. And he has the best show on TV (well, one of the best). It's better than Roseanne. And it's even better than Melrose Place. Is it better than My So Called Life? Well, Jake reviewed My So Called Life for the New York Times and he wasn't all that excited by it.

His show is called Squirt TV, and unfortunately, it's only broadcast on a public access channel here in Manhattan. Its been on a year, and has become a cult favorite amongst latenight channel surfers. Jake and his pals pretty much shoot and edit the show in his bedroom. Sometimes they'll hit the streets in search of the living legends of New York superfreakdom. There are many hilarlous and cool moments. Like the time Jake went up to the street where Dave Letterman tapes his show and interviewed the guys who work in the shops that Letterman always goes into to do comedy bits. Jake's footage was quite different from Dave's and, to a degree, more real. Or the time Jake and a friend went looking for this beautiful girl they saw on Howard Stern, only to find her. And they've all been good friends since.

I got together with Jake to ask him a few questions,

Thurston: Do kids in your school know you have a show on TV?
Jake: My friends at school know the show; they totally get it and everything, but then there's, like, kids who don't get it at all. Like, "What's the point of you doing a show?"

Thurston: Are your teachers aware of it?
Jake: Yeah. They don't watch it. I think if they watched it, I'd probably have to stay after school and see a therapist

Thurston: Are you into the TV thing? Would you like to do it as a vocation?
Jake: Yeah. I mean, it would be cool to get off public access and do it somewhere more prominent. I'm not talking about coming on after Beavis and Butthead or anything.

Thurston: The thing with MTV is, you'd have to adhere to their guidelines for the most part.
Jake: Yeah, forget that.

Thurston: What bands do you like?
Jake: I like They Might Be Giants a lot. The Beastie Boys - they're pretty cool. Deee-Lite.

Thurston: Are you familiar with the riot grrrl scene?
Jake: Not really.

Thurston: Bikini Kill? Bratmobile?
Jake: Yeah, that sounds familiar.

Thurston: Your school doesn't have girls who are into punk rock?
Jake: No, not really. When you go to school on Central Park West, you have these pseudo homeboy kids who get all their money together, rent out a club and do these promotional dance music things, and it's really lame. I can't deal with that.

Thurston: Would you be in a band if you could?
Jake: Sure! But it'd have to be some strange, freaky type of thing. Like all industrial covers of Partridge Family songs.

Thurston: Do you ever get recognized on the street?
Jake: A lot. Like everyday. During the weekend a lot I don't mind it. It's cool.

Thurston: Do you have a girlfriend?
Jake: No, not right now.

Thurston: This might be a good way to...
Jake: To get chicks? Girls call the show and whatnot.

Thurston: What kind of movies do you like?
Jake: When I was little I used to like The Rocky Horror Picture Show a lot. I got really into it. I would go and do fan club work for free. Heathers was really cool for its time. Xanadu is the worst film ever made, and it's really cool.

Thurston: Were your parents listening to music when you were growing up?
Jake: Yeah, I had a real problem with music growing up. They were listening to all the wrong stuff. Like the Bee Gees. I grew up with it and I have all those records now and I know every disco song. But then they started listening to crazy stuff. Like, I don't know how we ended up with, like, Ashford and Simpson albums.

Thurston: So they weren't listening to BIack Flag?
Jake: No, that would've been cool.

Thurston: What do you think of MTV?
Jake: It's really horrible. I'd rather see some crappy video than Beavis and Butthead. That wore thin really quick with me. Show it once a week. I find myself watching The Box more and I'm not even happy with that. I hate The Real World. I don't care about Puck, you know. That guy Eric who hosts The Grind, that's like 98 percent of the type of kid who goes to my school. "Yo, whassuppp!!!" I hate it.

Thurston: Are you gonna just do Squirt TV until whenever?
Jake: Yeah. I'm not gonna do this when I'm 18. I wanna do something else eventually. This is cool for a while.

**addendum** Squirt TV has just produced 3 pilots for the horrible MTV. uh huh.

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